Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
