I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
