and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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