Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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