she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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