This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
