Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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