Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
