wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
