There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
