i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
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im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
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Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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