well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
