Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
