I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
