Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
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Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
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Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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