i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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