ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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