did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize