i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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