I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
