Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
