ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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