Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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