is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
