i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
