I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
