Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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