If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
And then the night went full on bisexual.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
