Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
