She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
