Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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