Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
