We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
