I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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