i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
