Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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