So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
