her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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