you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
