everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
