On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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