the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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