IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
