I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I currently don't understand fingers.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
