You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
