That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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