i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
