he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
