He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
