Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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I need you to use more vowels.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize