We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?