What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
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The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.