I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
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A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume