Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
