if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.