You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
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i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
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Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.