I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
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Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.