Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.