Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”