I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
