Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i've created a new STD.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
