if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
