around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
