Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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