The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
