i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
