I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
