did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
