And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
