Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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