life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
