Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Randomize
