Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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