i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
