Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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