can u get pink eye on your cock?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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