I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
