We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
