all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
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She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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