She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
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Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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