I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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