He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
