You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
